Why am I doing this?

A reasonable question, but  not one I ask myself on a regular basis if I’m 100% honest. I mean I never really question the fact that I’m going to spend my weekends or money doing what I do.  I just kind of turn up and fly!* I’ve always been interested in aviation stuff, mostly from a physics point of view. I probably have a bordering on unhealthy interest in air crash investigations but I can honestly say never in my life have I ever held an ambition to be a pilot. Until now.

Lots of people talk about how they’ve always dreamt of being a pilot, of defying gravity, of gaining the immense sense of freedom that flying seems to give them. I read this statement on someone else’s blog (they were talking about the abysmal dropout rate from people starting their PPL to finishing)

“It’s reasonable to conclude that student and certificated pilots tend to be goal-oriented people: They want to learn something challenging and, by doing so, exhibit skill, confidence, and competence.”

So I started analysing that particular paragraph:

Am I a “goal-oriented” person? – Maybe. Possibly not.  When I left school I knew exactly what I was going to do.  I was going to university; I was going to leave the UK as soon as practically possible. I was never going to have time for a boyfriend, let alone marriage (which I didn’t really believe in anyways). Of course by the age of 19 I was engaged and had gotten married before I even finished my degree! The moving to another country did happen, but much later on.  When I did emigrate I literally had no plans other than where we were going to eat breakfast the first day (I’m a sucker for Fran’s). Neither of us had a job or a place to live. I knew I didn’t want to teach anymore but I had no idea beyond that. Consequently I spent about a year in a half-arsed attempt to find work before settling into something that was way below my skill set, but paid reasonably well.** I wouldn’t exactly call that the life plan of a goal-oriented person.

Did I want to “learn something challenging”? – Well again not really. To be honest I really don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone. Myself included. I don’t need to “exhibit skill, confidence and competence” through flying because, quite frankly, I demonstrate that quite well every day. I have a job I’m bloody good at, with real prospects for the future. A degree in a subject that would make most people run away crying.  I'm happily married and am generally content. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone.

And yet, here I am spending a substantial part of my life learning to fly. There has to be some reason. I’m not exactly a whimsical person so there must be some logic behind all this, because I am very determined that I’m going to do this and get my PPL, until someone sits me down and tells me it’s never going to happen.

The truth is,

I started it,

I liked it

and now I’m too damn stubborn to quit!

 

* Before anyone shoots me down in flames. I do a little more prep than that!

** I’m actually still at the same place, slowly working my way up.